Hehehehehe

[Walking Death]

Akkel tar Moinar pani pratthoner oviprai nia hobu swasur barite jaia hajir hoiche. Swasur to Akkel er prostab suinai moha khappa. Chitkar koira hobu swasur bollo, oi mia ainai nijer cehara dekcho? Tomar awkat ki? Koi teka kamao? Amar miar pocket khoroch dewar khomota tomar ache? amar mae Akta gobet er sathe sara jibon katak...............ta ami kono vabei hoite dite parina..................


Akkel bollo, amio chaina apnar mae amar chaeo boro kono gobet er barite ar thakuk.Tai tare bia koira amar barite loia jaite aichi.










হাসিব আর আলিল কথা কইতেসে~

আলিল: তুমি কুন সাবান গায়ে মাখ ?
হাসিব: উবুন্টুর !
আলিল: তুমার দাঁত মাজার পেস্ট কুন কম্পানির ?
হাসিব: উবুন্টুর !
আলিল: উবুন্টু একটা ইন্টারন্যাশনাল কম্পানি ?
হাসিব: নাহ, ঐটা আমার রুমমেট! :








কাকাতুয়ার জুকস্

কদম আলি তার পোলার জন্মদিনে কাকাতুয়া গিফট দিব বইলা ঠিক করছে। পরের দিন সে পশুপাখীর দোকানে গিয়া দেখে একটা খাঁচার মধ্যে একই রকমের তিনটা কাকাতুয়া!

দোকানদাররে কদম আলী জিগাইল, "ডান দিকের কাকতুয়াডার দাম কত?"

দোকানদারে বেনসন ফুকতে ফুকতে কইল, " ২৫০০ টেকা।"

" কি ২৫০০ টেকা! " কদম আলী অবাক হইয়া চিৎপটাং! " ভালা! তয় এইডা করেডা কি?"

"এইডা আজব পক্ষী! হে মাইক্রোসফ্Jট অফিসের সব কাম করতে পারে! স্প্রেডশিটের সব কাম পারে , সব রকমের চিটিপত্রও লিখবার পারে!" দোকানদারে ভকভক কইরা ধোয়া ছাড়তে ছাড়তে কয়!

হতভম্ব ভাবটা কাটাইয়া কদম আলী তারপর জিগায়, " সেকেন্ডটার দাম কত ?"

দোকানদারে নির্লীপ্তভাবে কয়,'৫০০০ টেকা! এইডা শুধু মাইক্রোসফট অফিসের কামই জানে না, এই আজব পক্ষী একটা দক্ষ কম্পিউটার প্রোগ্রামারও বটে!"

অবশেষে কদম আলী শেষ কাকাতুয়ার দামডা খুব আগ্রহ নিয়া জিগাইল!

দোকানদারে হেব্বী জোশ নিয়া কইল,"মাত্র ১০,০০টেকা!"

কাদম আলী বুইঝা পায় না একটা কাকাতুয়ার দাম কেমনে ১০,০০০ টেকা হইতে পারে, কি এমন কাম পারে যে কাকাতুয়াডার দাম এত হইব!

দোকানদার খুব সিরিয়াস হইয়া কদম আলী রে কয়, " সত্যি কথা কইতে কি, আমি নিজেও এই কাকাতুয়ারে কিচ্ছু করবার দেখি নাই!
তয়
অন্য কাকাতুয়াগুলান হেরে বস কইয়া ডাক পারে!"











কম্পিউটারের লিঙ্গ ......

এক বেডায় আগে নাবিক আছিল, হে সবসময় দেখতে জাহাজরে সবাই মাইয়া কইয়া সম্বোধন করে! তখন থেইকা হের মাথায় ঘুরপাক খাইতাসে কম্পিউটারের লিঙ্গ কি হইব! হেরে কি কইয়া বুলাইব! মাইয়া না পোলা!

তো সে উত্তর জানার লাইগা দুই দল কম্পিউটার বিশেষজ্ঞরে ডাকল! প্রথম দলে আছিল শুধু মাইয়ারা , দ্বিতীয় দলে আছিল শুধু বেডারা! দুই দলরেই জিগান হইল, কম্পিউটাররে কি বইলা সম্বোধন করা হইব পোলা না মাইয়া! তাগ যুক্তির পেছনে ৪টা কইরা কারন দেখাইতে কইল!

বিশেষজ্ঞ মাইয়া দলের প্রধান জানাইল হেগো দলের মত হইল কম্পিউটার আসলে পোলা। কারনগুলা হইল~
(১) কম্পিউটারের দৃষ্টি আকর্ষন করনের লাইগা কম্পিউটাররে টার্ন অন (Turn On) করন লাগব!
(২) কম্পিউটারে মেলা ডাটা থাকে, তয় ক্লু খুইজা পাওন যায় না!
(৩) কম্পিউটারের আসল কাম সমস্যা সমাধান করা, কিন্তু অর্ধেক সময় পরে হেরা নিজেরাই সমস্যা হইয়া যায়!
(৪) যখনই কেও একডা কম্পিউটার কিনে, তারপরেই বুঝতে পারে আর যদি কয়দিন অপেক্ষা করত তাইলে আরও ভাল মডেলের কম্পিউটার পাইত!


পোলা বিশেষজ্ঞ দল ওগ কথা শুনতাসে আর মিচকা হাসি দিতাসে। ওগ দল প্রধান জানাইল হেরা মনে করে কম্পিউটার অবশ্যই মাইয়া, কারনগুলা হইল~
(১) এক মাত্র স্রষ্টা ছাড়া কম্পিউটারের ভিতরের লজিক কেও বুঝবার পারে না!
(২) একটা পিসি আরেকটা পিসির লগে যে ভাষায় কথা কয় তা হেরা ছাড়া আর সবার মাথার উপরে দিয়া যায়!
(৩) ছুডখাড ভুলও হেরা মেমরীর মইধ্যে সেভ কইরা রাখে পরে খুইজা পাইতে!
(৪) যখনই কেও একটা কম্পিউটার কিনে দেখা যায় আজাইরা যন্ত্রপাতি কিনতে অর্ধেক টেকা শেষ!









SPCL মামার আরবি শিক্ষা !


অনেক দিন আগের কথা। যখন লোকে ১ টাকায় ৪০ মণ চাল কিনত তত আগের অবশ্য না! কাহিনী আমাদের SPCL মামারে নিয়ে। মামা গেছেন ইন্টারভিউ দিতে। তাকে ইন্টারভিউ বোর্ডের চেয়ারম্যান প্রশ্ন করলেন
“ আচ্ছা SPCL সাহেব বলেন তো ডাক্তার আসিবার পূর্বে রোগী মরিয়া গেল এর ইংরেজী কি হবে?”

SPCL মামা: স্যার, ইংরেজী পারি না। আরবিটা পারি।

প্রশ্নকর্তা: তাই নাকি! তা বেশ বেশ, আরবি-টাই বলেন শুনি।

SPCL মামার জবাব: ইন্নাল্লিাহি ওয়া ইন্না ইলাইহে রাজিউন!!!












THERE IS A GOOD OLD BARBER IN LONDON

ONE DAY A FLORIST GOES TO HIM FOR A HAIRCUT. AFTER
THE CUT, HE GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AND

THE BARBER REPLIES:"I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT
MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE."

THE FLORIST IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.
NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP,
THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR.

POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER
AFTER THE CUT.
BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT
MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE. THE COP IS HAPPY
AND LEAVES THE SHOP.

THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS
SHOP, THERE IS A THANK YOU CARD AND A DOZEN DONUTS
WAITING AT HIS DOOR.

A BANGLADESHI SOFTWARE ENGINEER
GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND
HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT.
BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT
MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE. "
THE BANGLADESHI SOFTWARE ENGINEER IS HAPPY AND LEAVES.


THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS
SHOP,GUESS WHAT HE FINDS THERE....
.

CAN YOU GUESS?
.

.

.

TYR TO
GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

??????
.

.

COME ON, THINK LIKE A
BANGLADESHI.................


.

.

A DOZEN WAITING FOR A HAIRCUT...
:bow:













চরিত্রঃ
একটি ছেলে
একটি মেয়ে
একটি ওয়েটার
স্থানঃ
একটি অভিজাত রেস্টুরেন্ট
দৃশ্যঃ
ছেলেটা আর মেয়েটা মুখোমুখি বসে আছে। দু'জনের খাওয়া শেষ। ছেলেটা অনেক্ষণ ধরে উস্jখুস করছিলো কিছু বলার জন্য। অবশেষে ছেলেটার একহাত মেয়েটির হাতকে স্পর্শ করে...
ছেলেঃ আমি তোমাকে ভালোবাসি।
মেয়েঃ কি বলছ! আমি তোমাকে সবসময় বন্ধু মনে করে এসেছি...
ছেলেঃ বন্ধুকে কি ভালোবাসা যায়না?
মেয়েঃ নাহ, সরি... আমি তোমাকে ভালোবাসিনা।
ছেলেঃ (অনুনয় করে) আরেকবার ভেবে দেখনা...
মেয়েঃ কতবার বলব যে আমি তোমাকে ভালোবাসিনা... বাসিনা... বাসিনা।
ছেলেটা কিছুটা চুপসে যায়। এদিক ওদিক তাকায়। এককোনায় ওয়েটার কে দেখে হাত নাড়ে। ওয়েটারও প্রত্তুত্তোরে মাথাটা একটু নেড়ে ছেলেটার কাছে এসে দাঁড়ায়।
ছেলেঃ (ওয়েটারের দিকে তাকিয়ে) আমাদের দু'জনের দুটো আলাদা বিল হবে।
মেয়েঃ (ছেলেটাকে) য়্যাই... দাঁড়াও দাঁড়াও... আমি তোমাকে ভালোবাসি!








SOLVE করেন আশা করি মজা পাবেন

259 X ( Ur age in years) X 39 =?



Solve it














আব্বুজি, আমি ফেল করেছি!


ভূত মামার আদরের লাড়কা, আমাদের স্নেহধন্য ভাইগনা বজ্জাতের আজ পরীক্ষার ফলাফল বের হয়েছে। ফল বের হবার পর ভূত মামা ও তার ছেলে বজ্জাতের মধ্যে কথা হচ্ছে:
ভূত মামা : আব্বে ভূতের বাচ্চা এতদিন কি পড়াশোনা না করে খাড়া সোনা করেছিস! ফেল করলি কেলা?

বজ্জাত : ফেল কি আমি একা করছি নাকি আব্বুজি। আরো অনেকেই তো ডাব্বা মারছে।

ভূত মামা : আরে বজ্জাত পাশের বাড়ির আনারকলি-কে ভালো করে দেখনা বে। কি সুন্দর মাইয়া, কি সুন্দর গোল্ডেন এ+ পাইছে।

বজ্জাত : আব্বুজি, ওকে ভালো করে দেখতে দেখতেই তো ফেল করলাম!










রোগীঃ ডাক্তার সাহেব, জলদি কিছু একটা করেন।আজকাল কানে খুবই কম শুনছি। বুঝলেন মশাই, গিন্নির কাছে প্রেস্টিজ একেবারে যায় যায় অবস্থা।
ডাক্তারঃ কম শোনাই তো ভালো। এতে সংসারে শান্তি থাকে। যাক এখানে বিস্তারিত লিখে দিয়েছি। ভিজিটের টাকাটা দিয়ে এবার আসুন।
রোগীঃ আমার দাদার নাম হচ্ছে আবুল কাসেম মোঃ হাবীবুল্লাহ। তিনি ছিলেন এই অঞ্চলের নামকরা গায়েন।
ডাক্তারঃ উফ, এ তো দেখছি সিরিয়াস অবস্থা। আপনার দাদার নাম জানতে চাইনি। বলছিলাম ভিজিটের কথা.... ভিজিট .....ভিজিট....
রোগীঃ ও তাই বলুন। এত জোরে জোরে বলতে হবে না। কানে এখনো অত কম শুনি না। তা আপনার ভিজিট কত?
ডাক্তারঃ ৪০০ টাকা।
রোগীঃ কী বললেন, ২০০ টাকা?
ডাক্তারঃ আপনার কানে সমস্যা হলেও হুঁশ দেখছি পুরোপুরি ঠিক। শোনার সময় ঠিকই কম কম করে শোনেন। আরে ভাই,৪০০ টাকা... ৪০০টাকা...।
রোগীঃ ও ১০০ টাকা, না? আপনার ভিজিট তো দেখছি কমই আছে।
ডাক্তারঃ সর্বনাশ! এ তো কেবল নিচের দিকেই নামছে। এরপর নিরঘাত ৫০ বলবে। তারচেয়ে এখন যা বলছে তাতেই রাজি হয়ে যাই। দিন, আপনি বরং ১০০ টাকাই দিন।
রোগীঃ কী বললেন, টাকা দিতে হবে না? বাহ ডাক্তার, আপনি দেখছি অনেক মহৎ। আল্লাহ আপনার মঙ্গল করুন।
ডাক্তারঃ ওরে, তোরা কে কথায় আছিস, জলদি এসে লোকটাকে অপারেশন থিয়েটারে নিয়ে যা। আমি যন্ত্রপাতি নিয়া আসছি। আজকে যদি ওর কানের অপারেশন করে ওর কান ঠিক না করছি, তবে আমার নাম ডাক্তার কদম আলী না।











A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....









Q -What is the name of the brother of Kalidas who makes shoe?

Ans: Adidas.






Q - Prasad asks Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble
brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why ??
why ??
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener







Q - Who is Joe?
"Kambakth ishq" - Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"








And of course, the grand final............The
Madrasi said, I want to
see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did
he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai.......









Chicken story


A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old ¤¤¤¤. As he feels that the old ¤¤¤¤ could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young ¤¤¤¤ from the market.


Old ¤¤¤¤ to Young ¤¤¤¤ : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.


Young ¤¤¤¤ : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.


Old ¤¤¤¤ : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?


Young ¤¤¤¤ : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.


Old ¤¤¤¤ : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.



Young ¤¤¤¤ :

O.K. What kind of competition?


Old ¤¤¤¤: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.


Young ¤¤¤¤ : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.


Confidently, the following morning, the Young ¤¤¤¤ allows the Old ¤¤¤¤ to start off and when the Old ¤¤¤¤ crosses the 10 meters mark the Young ¤¤¤¤ chases him with all his might.


Soon enough, he was behind the Old ¤¤¤¤ back in a matter of seconds.


Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old ¤¤¤¤, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
__________________












আমাদের গামা মামা মানে সাইফ মামা, সবাই তো ছিনেন,
তো এই বছরের প্রথম দিকে সাইফ মামা দেশে গিয়েছিলেন।
দেশে যাবার কিছু দিন পর উনার ইলিশ মাছ খাবার ইচ্ছা হলো।

উনি ইলিশ মাছ কিনতে বাজারে গেসেন।
বাজার থেকে বিশাল একটা ইলিশ মাছ কিনে সেটার কানশার মধ্য দিয়ে দড়ি বেধে হাটা পথে রওনা দিলেন বাড়ির দিকে।
তো মামারা আপনারা তো জানেনই এসব ক্ষেত্রে যা হয়- বড় মাছ দেখে সবাই দাম জিজ্জাসা করে। তো গামা মামার বেলাতেও তাই হলো।
যেমনঃ
: গামা মামা, ইলিশটার দাম কত?
: ও ভাই মাচটা নেচে কত?
: ও মা, এ দেহি বিশাল ইলিশ মাছ, তা দাম কী রকম?
: বড়ভাই, মাছ আনতি খরচাপাতি কেমন গেছে?

গামা মামার সারা রাস্তায় দাম বলতে বলতে পেরেশান হয়ে গেছেন। তার মেজাজ খিচিয়ে গেল। দড়িতে মাছ ঝুলিয়ে আনাই ভুল হয়েছে। সবাই মাছ দেখে মাছের দাম জিগায়। তো আমাদের চালাক গামা মামা ছিন্তা করল...বাকি পথে যাথে এই সমস্যা না হয় সেই জন্য তিনি এক বুদ্ধি করলেন।
মাছটাকে পিস পিস করে বাজারের ব্যাগে ডুকিয়ে রওনা দিলেন। রাস্তায় আক্কেল মামার সঙ্গে দেখা...

আক্কেল মামাঃ হাতে ব্যাগ, কি ব্যাপার বাজারে গিয়েছিলেন বুঝি?
গামাঃ জি বাজারের গিয়া ছিলাম।
আক্কেলঃ তা ব্যাগে কী ?
গামাঃ মাছ।
আক্কেলঃ কি মাছ?
গামাঃ ইলিশ মাছ।
আক্কেলঃ তাই নাকি, তা ইলিশটার দাম কত?

গামা মামা, রাগে ফুলে কলাগাছ হয়ে যাচ্ছেন। তো গামা মামা আক্কেল মামার পশ্নে উত্তর না দিয়ে আধিক শুকে পাথর হয়ে দাঁড়িয়ে রইলেন, মাছটাকে ব্যাগের মধ্যে লুকিয়ে রাখায় দেখি বড় বোকামি হয়েছে।আগে সবাই এক পশ্ন করত, আর এখন চার পশ্ন করেছে...












ঈদুল আযহা-য় সবাই বাড়ি ফিরতে ব্যস্ত। ট্রেন-বাস সবখানে প্রচন্ড ভিড়। তো শহরের এক বাস ষ্টেশনে spcl মামাকে দেখা গেল যে উনি ভিড় ঠেলে বাসে ওঠার প্রাণপণ প্রচেষ্টা চালাচ্ছেন। এক জনের পা-এর লাথি খান তো আরেক জনের কনুই-এর গুতা থান। তবু উনি উঠবেন-ই উঠবেন। এসব দেখে পাবলিক তো গেল খেপে। বাসের ভেতরের যাত্রীরা সবাই বলল,

"খবরদার, আর একটা লোক-ও উঠবে না।"

spcl মামা বলে উঠলেন: কিন্তু আমাকে যে উঠতেই হবে।

একজন যাত্রীর উত্তেজিত গলা: এ্যাহ, উঠতেই হবে! ক্যান, তুমি কোন নবাবের বাচ্চা যে তোমাকে উঠতেই হবে?

spcl মামা-র বিনম্র জবাব: আমি কোন নবাবের পুত না মিয়াভাই, আমি এই বাসের ড্রাইভার!!












একটি ছেলে যখন একটি মেয়েকে ভালবাসার প্রস্তাব দেয় মেয়েদের ছয়টি কমন জবাব :
মেয়ে:
১ নং জবাব : না।
২ নং জবাব : আমাকে আরও একটু ভাবতে দাও ।
৩ নং জবাব : আমি তোমাকে সবসময় বন্ধুর মত দেখেছি ।
৪ নং জবাব : আমি একজনকে ভালবাসি ।
৫ নং জবাব : এখন আমাদের পড়ালেখার সময়, আমি ওসব নিয়ে ভাবছিনা ।
৬ নং জবাব : তোমার সাহসতো কম না ! তুমি জান আমার ভাই কে ?

একটি মেয়ে যখন একটি ছেলেকে ভালবাসার প্রস্তাব দেয় ছেলেদের ছয়টি কমন জবাব :
ছেলে:
১ নং জবাব : হ্যাঁ।
২ নং জবাব : হ্যাঁ।
৩ নং জবাব : হ্যাঁ।
৪ নং জবাব : হ্যাঁ।
৫ নং জবাব : হ্যাঁ।
৬ নং জবাব : হ্যাঁ।

[Mad Monk]

চরম হইসে, আমি অর্ধেক পড়সি...বাট ততটুকুই কঠিন লাগছে

[Sad1d]

big joke thread haha

[Ridoy]

Jakkas!!!!!!!!!
259X?X39= JOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[GG.AIM]

mass jokes.

[Walking Death]

http://j.domaindlx.com/ragini/river/file.html visit this link

[Noob™]

one of the longest posts but worth reading

[Walking Death]

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher: asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl: replied, “Then you ask him”.


2. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead. ”

3. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.










Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out
and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and
waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad,
there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on
that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son
said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father
said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one.
We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's
eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother







A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together Their three kids, all
very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one... "Sorry I'm
running late... had an emergency, you know how it is, didn't have time to
get you both a present."

"Not to worry," said the dad... "the important thing is that we're all
here together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "you and Mom still look great, Dad
just flew in from L.A. and didn't have time to get you a present... Sorry.

"It's nothing," said the father, "Glad you were able to be here."

Just then the daughter arrived, "Hello both of you, Happy Anniversary!
I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy
packing... so I didn't have time to get you guys anything."

Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are
together today."

After they had all finished dessert, the father put down his knife and
fork, looked up and said, "Listen up, all three of you, there's something
your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were
very poor. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to
college. All through the years your mother and I knew that we loved each
other very much but... we just never found the time to get married."

The three kids gasp and said, "You mean we're ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤s?"

"Yep," said the dad. "and cheap ones too!









Event: An insect falls into a mug of beer... see the Reactions of the people....!!

Englishman:
Throws this mug away and walks out

American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese:
Dr Inks the beer with insect as it is coming free

Indian:
Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer. ......INTELLIGENT INDIANS

Pakistani:
-Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
-Relates the issue to Kashmir
-Asks the Chinese for Military aid
-Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.



Reaction from Bengalis:
1.Start shouting that who put this insect in the beer,this is inhygenic>>>bla bla bla but still drinks the beer.

2. Start an election campaign that if won @ the next election then there will be no insect ever to fall in a mug of beer.That shud be the election manifesto!!!
:boo::boo::boo:


bangali r ki bolbe???????

1. insect ta keno beer e porlo ei jonno kotokkhon insect tare pitaibo.

2. protibad shomabesh korbo je shorkar insect nidhoner bepare kisui korse na jar fole poribesh nosto hocche.

3. porisheshe keu jeno r beer ta na khaite pare ei jonno beer ta falaiya dib














One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter
himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not
really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're
going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had
worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and
lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in
heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself
standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
.
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.
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.
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

















ek lok gram-e thake.. english khub ekta pare na... but LONDON-er ekta meyer address peye biye korer shokh holo... to she dictionary niye prem potro likhte boshlo:



HE WROTE :

Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnisation
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilisation
and with a view to the expansion
of the population of present generation.

On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation
of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.

Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
from this poor old nation

To remain victim of your fascination.

Only and only yours

Globalisation



Chithi peye LONDON-er meye uttor dilo:

Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,

Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your solid ambition.

You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about a graduation after a long botheration,
so improve your situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation
but before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.

1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection, and

2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any other fascination.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of
only paper conversation.

I Remain,

Unaffected by your affection.

Yours truly,

Hallucination












A group of 4 Microsoft .NET programmers and a group of 4 Java programmers are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each, and then watch the Java programmers proceed to buy one ticket between them.

The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train, they watch the Java programmers to see what they do when the guard comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes, they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it back.

The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy only one ticket. Only to watch the Java folks get on the train without buying a ticket at all.

When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as they saw the Java folks on the earlier journey. The Java programmers then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Java programmers do earlier.

"Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them."
















A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere: A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 American men and 1 American woman
H. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

What a Crazy coincidence! One month later, on various parts of the island,the following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend time with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American woman is bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of the household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much better, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
H. What happened to the Indians????

scroll down......
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The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman!
JAI HIND
cheers !!!!!














A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."













1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a ¤¤¤¤¤¤ at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.





















Well, it's ****... that's right, ****!
**** may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider: you can get ****-faced, be ****-out-of-luck, or have **** for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your **** together, find a place for your ****, or be asked to **** or get off the pot. You can smoke ****, buy ****, sell ****, lose ****, find ****, forget ****, and tell others to eat ****.

Some people know their ****, while others can't tell the difference between **** and shineola. There are lucky ****s, dumb ****s, and crazy ****s. There is bull ****, horse ****, and chicken ****.

You can throw ****, sling ****, catch ****, shoot the ****, or duck when the **** hits the fan. You can give a **** or serve **** on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep **** or be happier than a pig in ****.

Some days are colder than ****, some days are hotter than ****, and some days are just plain ****ty. Some music sounds like ****, things can look like ****, and there are times when you feel like ****.

You can have too much ****, not enough ****, the right ****, the wrong **** or a lot of weird ****. You can carry ****, have a mountain of ****, or find yourself up ****'s creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to **** and other times you fall in a bucket of **** and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And, remember, once you know your ****, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a ****; or not do so if you don't give a ****!

Well ****, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a **** and hope you have a nice day, without a bunch of ****. But, if you happened to catch a load of **** from some ****-head..........

Well. **** happens!!!
















ae jokes ta onek purano....ershad tokon president chilo.repost holay sorry
ekbar senior bush, jhon mejor r ershad gesay golf keltay. tin jon golpo kora suru korlo keno tara golf kela posondo koray.

j.mejor: ami golf posondo kori karon ae kelay ekta british aavijatto er vaab asay!

bush: ae kelay bat diya jay vaabay ball k pitano hoy tar moddhay pura world er upor chori guranor bepar tar sathay milay jay....ae jonno usa er president hisabay ami golf kela posondo kori.

ershad to chup koray asay.....mejor r bush jigges korlo 'ki bisoy tumi chup koray aaso ken?tumi golf kela keno posondo koro bolla na??'

ershad: ami golf kela posondo kori karon golf ball er lokkho r amar lokkho ek i!!!


















There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next
to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas,
he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door,which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush,don't flush!"


















A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage is a three (3) Ring circus:
Engagement Ring
Wedding Ring
Suffer Ring

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends!

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.
In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man met a genie. The genie told him he could have whatever wish he wanted provided that his mother-in-law got double. The man thought for a moment and then said, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says, "it is in the microwave."


How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done for FREE.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
His father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.















Which Type Of Woman Is Your Wife/GF?

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.


Enter Password Type Woman:
Every time you want to access, she would ask: do u love me or is there anyone else? and so on...


VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............













A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a
heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the
operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and
asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have
collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast
augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since
she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of
it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and
was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived
in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40
years?"

God replied, "Shirley! I didn't recognize you!"

(PS:Its safe not to be overconfident.)[COLOR="Silver"]

[Mad Monk]

এইবার একটা জোকস্¤ ও পড়ি নাই।
আমার এইটারে বিশাল একটা Essay
মনে হইলো বাংলায় লিখা হলে পড়তাম...

[Walking Death]

go thru these posts some of the jokes are awesome

[GG.AIM]

ya, good stuff. btw, whos Jonah?

[Walking Death]

ya, good stuff. btw, whos Jonah?

Nerver mind

[Codex]

read em all. xD
Great stuff!

[desertfox]

Mathemetical Fun টা বেশী জোস ।

[Walking Death]

more to come

[Mohaan]

259*15*39=151515...awesome....u rock man

[Walking Death]

ami pathor koy kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

---------- Post added at 15:29 ---------- Previous post was at 15:19 ----------

bangla lekha gula eirokom hoitase ken

[Walking Death]

second post keo ki porse ?????????????


r thanks nai keno 2nd post e thanks na dile ami kintu jokes dea bondho kormu

[soul-spy]

Thankx dibo kamnay?

[CvP]

SOLVE করেন আশা করি মজা পাবেন

259 X ( Ur age in years) X 39 =?


only works if you are above 10 years old and below 100 years lol