Somewhere beyond improbable lies insane...
Movies thrive on impossibility, but they're nothing to games.
Games laugh at Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid's last stand, scoff at Mad Max 2's final chase, and moon every scene on the space rock from Armageddon.
Games are one impossibility after another, strung together in the most epic order imaginable and made possible with a take on reality which borders on insanity... and these are games' most implausible impossible missions.
Fair warning, there will be some spoiling.
KILLING A GOD
Developer Platinum Games
The final boss is Jubileus, the creator of the universe - God - who plans to remake life from scratch. We can't have that, so Bayonetta's one-time foe Jeanne rides a motorbike into space on the side of a skyscraper which transforms into a rocket and races to the edge of the solar system. Beyond Neptune, she frees Bayonetta who proceeds to kick the piss out of God before piledriving the 700-foot immortal transsexual into the heart of the sun.
SURVIVING THE BOMB
Game Call of Duty 4
Developer Infinity Ward
Lieutenant Vasquez can only watch as Khaled Al-Asad detonates an atomic bomb. You're left standing in the ruins beneath a mushroom cloud - the sole survivor, but only for a moment. It's a mission so impossible you can't help but fail, and a level which lasts less than a minute.
ESCAPING HONG KONG
Game Kane and Lynch 2
Publisher Square Enix
After Lynch executes the daughter of a mob boss, the Triads put a bounty on their heads. They're tortured, cut to pieces and forced to flee naked, before killing Hong Kong's entire criminal empire, and hijacking a 747. It's survival of the shittest.
SAVING THE GALAXY
Game Mass Effect
Unstoppable planet-eater Sovereign delivers on the Reapers' promise to munch the galaxy, unleashing thousands of city-sized machines. Shepard defeats Saren, and seizes control of the station's defences. He/she then smashes Sovereign and saves the galaxy... for now.
Game GTA IV
In Three Leaf Clover, Niko and his arsewit little buddies Packie and Derrick rob a bank in downtown Liberty City which immediately goes fully Michael Mann and turns into a gunfi ght against the entire LCPD. The trio escape through the subways and are pursued across the city with a three-star wanted rating by Liberty's fi nest, before escaping with the goods.
Game Halo Reach
One by one Noble Team are picked off by the Covenant until only Noble Six, after handing Cortana off to Captain Keyes, is left behind to fight off an endless Covenant horde - a genuine impossible mission.
Game Fallout 3
There's little to be gained from blowing up the undetonated nuke at the heart of the city of Megaton, but when a strange man gives you the keys to a nuclear bomb it's hard to say "no". Hit the detonator and pour the wine. That's living, alright.
Game Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2
Developer Ubisoft Paris
Civil unrest and rebel activity run riot in Mexico - cue a full-scale invasion of the country from the United States. As rebel leader De La Barrera prepares to launch a nuclear missile against the US, the Ghosts lead an army of soldiers and tanks over the El Paso/Juárez border and take out the nukes at close range, surviving an airstrike on the warheads from just 50 feet away.
ESCAPING BUTCHER BAY
Game The Chronicles of Riddick
Publisher Vivendi/Namco Bandai
Riddick promptly escapes the inescapable Butcher Bay by starting a gang war. Recaptured, he's sent to the mines, where he fi ghts his way to the top before being consigned to permanent suspended animation. Of course, he escapes and rides a death machine to safety before heading off to kick-start Pitch Black.
FIGHTING NEW YORK
In the middle of Times Square an unstoppable super-virus consumes everything it touches. Alex Mercer is caught between the entire US military on one side, and building-sized goreblobs on the other. Fortunately, there's no old lady or goreblob Mercer can't absorb, and he saves New York in time for the sequel.